


Idiots at the movies

by Serrenedy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Double Dating, F/M, First Dates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 00:03:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2248440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serrenedy/pseuds/Serrenedy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a (late) birthday present to my friend Zealous Mediator. Hope ya like it hun. (prays to Hussie that they all aren't out of character). In which Dave asks Karkat out the LONG way and Rose must interfere with the help of a few cats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idiots at the movies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ZealousMediator](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ZealousMediator).



turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist

TG: john

TG: JOHN

TG: John this is serious!

TG: seriously dude?????

TG: i could be in trouble

TG: i could be dying

TG: _double_ dying

TG: that’s a thing you know

TG: ….

TG: common dude

TG: where are you?

TG: all your—we’re bros and I won’t desert you and you can count on me bullshit

TG: that musta been all it was

TG: i’m like drowning here

TG: call up my bro

TG: he can’t be bothered to throw me a rope

TG: he’s just sitting down Scar style

TG: throws me to my death

TG: bet you’re laughin to

TG: FINE

TG: i don’t need you

TG: i’ll go get help from Rose.

EB: WOAH, this must be reeeeeeeeally serious for you to go to Rose

TG:…

TG: if those were the magic words I’d have started with that.

EB: What is bro?

TG: tell me how you got your girlfriend.

EB: ME AND VRISKA AREN’T DATING!!!!!!!!

EB: we just…hang out

EB: and watch movies

EB: and go on adventures together

EB:…

EB: Dave? Are me and Vriska dating?

TG: oh god

TG: This is beyond pathetic dude

TG: here i am, all willing to let you be the boss for once

TG: and you’re in worse shape than me

TG: it’s like the blind leading the blind

TG: off a cliff

TG: into lava

TG: not even screaming

TG: they don’t know they’re in danger

TG: just feel a slight breeze on their face

EB: um….Dave?

TG: yeah?

EB: didn’t you want advice or something?

TG: i did…i just don’t lnow if i want it no more

TG: i actually might be better off with rose

EB: what happened?

TG: nah, now that i think about it, rose might be the best option

TG: gotta figure out if there are any hers runnin around that actually did it

EB: dude, what are you talking about?

TG: i’m tryin to figure out how to hook up with a troll

EB: …

EB: ya know, Rose is proably the best in this situation.

TG: i know, but she’s gonna gloat.

EB: wait, the mystery troll is a guy!!!!!!!!

TG: yeah

EB: …

TG: …

EB: you probably want to keep that a secret from Rose.

TG: i’m gonna try

TG: like, you have no idea

TG: i’m gonna stay in the walls with this shit

TG: hang aroud ‘Rezi

TG:  abscond the fuck outta there if she’s smelled somewhere near

TG: got a whole system of Dave’s here

TG: have them all run interference

EB: doesn’t that get confusing?

TG: nah, lived through it ya know?

EB: alright. So, who is this mystery troll????????

TG: …

TG: alright, so i need a stone cold solid promise on this

EB: i swear on my life

TG: YOU’RE DEAD

EB: :)

TG: swear on nic cage

EB: !!!!!!!!

EB: This is serious!

TG: yeah, so swear on nick cage and con air

EB: i swear on my god—Nicolas Cage and the greatest of his achievements known simply as ‘Con Air’, that I will not tell.

TG: …

TG: you are suck a fucking dork

TG: but fine

TG: it’s Karkat

EB: WHAT

turntechGodhead ceased pestering ectoBiologist

EB: DAVE WHAT

turntechGodhead is now an idle chum

EB: Dave????????????????

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

          “You went back on the bro code” John winced at the venom in Dave’s voice.

          “I had to” He whispered back. Rose ticked her tongue at them from behind her desk. She’d been writing since they got there, after a pair of Equiuses dragged them in. Dave was squirming in his seat mumbling. John took the time to look around her office. He wasn’t quite sure, but he had the thought that this place was out of her mind more than out of her memory. The walls were an odd shade of green (what was that olive?) with purple pinstripes down them. There was an odd black orb floating right where her desk was, and an all too happy looking troll girl that Dave confirmed was _not_ Kanaya darting around. They sat in relative silence (Dave cutting off any conversation John tried to start with talks of betrayal and not starting any himself do to the constant scratching of Rose’s quill.) Rose did not seemed deterred by the silence, in fact it almost seemed like they were playing into one of her mind games. The door opened up again. The troll that beckoned to them was Kanaya if the almost sappy expression Rose adopted was any indication. The two boys looked at each other, then gave up. They both got up and walked to Kanaya as two very familiar trolls entered—bickering with each other.

          “What do you mean this _wasn’t_ your fault. You’re lying again, I can just _make_ you tell me the truth Karkat” Vriska sneered

          “FOR THE LAST TIME YOU GRUB LICKING NOOK SIFFER, I didn’t have anything to do with SWEAT MC’DOUCH RIPPING US OUT OF OUR COONS” She flipped her hair.

          “Even if _you_ didn’t do it, there are like a billion of you running around here ya know”

          “LIKE YOU’RE ONE TO TALK!!!! Need I remind you there was literally a _bubble full_ of you just swapping stories of how each of you fucked up!” Vriska blushed blue for a moment.

          “Alright, that’s only because we had your craptastic leadership—”

          “ALRIGHT, That Is Enough” Kanaya declared and both hands shot out, each grasping firmly at a horn bed. Both parties went limp for a moment, blushing horribly. She pulled them in with her, slamming them into the chairs John and Dave had recently vacated. It was then that they noticed that both of them were dressed very differently then they normally were.  Karkat had on a black suit with a red shit, bow, and gloves. Vriska had on a moderately frilly dress in multiple shades of blue. John was dragged out before he could really see, but her hair was pulled at least in a ponytail. Kanaya pulled them into a separate room, which seemed to be a dress shop of sorts.

          “What did you even tell her to make her this crazy?” Dave demanded as they were thrown onto modeling platforms and Kanaya started to measure them.

          “Nothing, I didn’t even talk to her” Kanaya failed to resist the urge to smirk/

          “You talked to _someone_ ” She started shaking with silent laughter as she wrapped the measuring tape around John’s bust area.

          “Yeah, a deaf girl! That couldn’t hear me!” Kanaya finally burst out laughing as she went to the alchemiter in the corner and plugged in the measurements. “Why are you laughing at me?” John snapped

          “Did This Deaf Girl Happen To Have Around Her A Mime With Stitched Lips?”

          “Well…yeah, now that you mention it. But why does it matter? I made sure she couldn’t actually see my mouth half the time, especially when I mentioned names.”

          “Meulin Is A Bit Of A Repeat Machine. She Has No Volume Control, So if Kurloz Heard It, He Later, Signed It For Her. Possibly In Front Of Nepeta, Our Resident Match Maker. Granted, Meulin And Kurloz Are Also Match Makers In Their Own Rights.” John’s eyes widened. He hadn’t realized the man who wasn’t able to talk and the girl that couldn’t hear had legitimate reasons to hang out together and probably had other forms of communication. He did a face palm X2 while Dave scoffed.

          “Nice one Egg—derp” Kanaya also chuckled, before handing the two of their outfits. “What is this for?” Dave asked, picking at the charcoal grey suit.

          “Your Date. What Else?” Both boys snapped up to look at her with horrified expressions. Dave recovered fist, as per the norm.

          “I’m sorry, my head exploded in my timeline. I still have ringing in my ears sometimes. Repeat that? And try to make it make sense this time.” Kanaya’s eyes widened a bit.

          “Cheeky. I See Why You And Rose Argued So Much In The Timeline I’m From. You’re Sarcasm And Sense Of Irony Have Completely Baffled Me And Left Me Reeling.” Dave scowled at her.

          “I don’t like you being Rose’s girlfriend. She’s slowly making another one of her” Kanaya only smiled and gestured again with the suit. Dave sighed, but equipped it without further complaint. John equipped his when offered (he wasn’t going to get in an argument with another Rose). While Dave’s was grey with red accents, his was in various shades of blue. John and Dave looked at each other as they realized they matched the two in the room. “Alright, who do I gotta bribe to get out of this mess?” Dave asked. Kanaya thought for a moment

          “Meulin, Nepeta, Kurloz, Rose, Myself…OH And You Have To Come Up With Excuses For Both Karkat And Vriska. They’ve Been Told They’re Going On A Date, Though Not With Who.” Kanaya nodded once, smiling brightly at him. Dave wasn’t fazed.

            “I spent most of my time up there abusing my time powers to con crocodiles out of their boonbucks in the croc stock market.”

          “You Don’t Have That” Kanaya informed him. “Alpha Timeline You Does”

          “Shit” He looked away blushing. She smirked at him again.

          “Don’t Worry. You Won’t Fail As Hard As You Think. We’ve Taken Precautions.” Dave flinched

          “Are you a seer too?” John asked. Kanaya blushed, her face lighting up jade.

          “No, I just happen to know how nervous you all were the first time.”

          “So, we worked out in your timeline?” John asked the girl. She paled.

          “Actually, it was what caused me to die” John and Dave stared at her then. “This Is Why We’ve Taken Precautions This Time.” She blushed again. “Don’t Worry About It” She assured them in the single least assuring way possible, before dragging then back to what was probably not Rose’s office. John recognized the Girl he’d spoken to—apparently Meulin, sitting there and looking entirely too happy. Kurloz sat with her, his hands a flurry of motion.

          “Where are Karkat and Vriska?” Dave asked. Kurloz popped his head up, his smile pulling at his stiches. Meulin turned as his attention shifted. She got up, and produced a camera. Dave was saved only by his shades. John on the other hand, was sent reeling by the flashes. The two were unceremoniously dumped somewhere. When they got up, they noticed that they’d been dumped into a sort of Movie Theater. The snacks were set out in front of where Vriska and Karkat were tied up and gagged with red and blue ribbons.

 

Once freed, and all responsible parties cursed out thoroughly they settled down to watch the movie. It was blessedly enough, not Con Air, but ‘It could Happen to you’. Possibly the only romance movie Nicolas Cage had touched. Karkat had liked the romance in between his poking holes in the plot. And Vriska and John swooned over Nick. Dave had thrown popcorn at the backs of the blue outfitted pair. Karkat joined him when Vriska turned and yelled at the wrong person. It turned into a small concession war. No one could say for sure who threw the first drink, but it ended up with the group sticky and half asleep before the movie had even ended. Some when (again, no one could say) Vriska had dragged John down for sloppy make outs and Karkat had flipped his shit over Dave copping a feel. Dave ended up the last one awake. Vriska sprawled out and John clinging to her. Karkat was on his chest. Dave smirked. Jade gave the _best_ advice. He’d have never thought to ask John without her.


End file.
